3 AM and the House is Empty
Have you ever been doing the dishes and held a knife in your hands for slightly longer than you needed to?
Have you ever been driving and wanted to close your eyes just to see what would happen?
Have you ever been somewhere really high up and felt yourself start to lean towards the edge?
These are just curiosities.
As long as they remain in your head, they can do you no harm.
The textbook definition calls them “Intrusive Thoughts”
There’s a textbook definition, everyone gets them and they’re perfectly normal
Have you ever thought something racist, homophobic, sexist, you-name-it - phobic
Of course you haven’t, you’re all good liberals
Of course you have, you’re all human
Floating somewhere in the back of your head is one of these little thoughts
Waiting for it to go unnoticed so it can slip back to the front of your mind
These are not curiosities
These are poison
The only thing you can do to poison
Is drain it
Slowly and painfully
Bottle it.
Categorize it
Memorize its labels so it can never hurt you again
Because the moment it infects your heart
It will do nothing but spread through those you love
Until you are left with nothing but hate
Have you ever thought about killing yourself?
Have you ever been lying in bed at 3 AM
felt something grab at the hollowness in your chest
Twisting your emptiness until it consumed you?
That is the working of the devil
You must not listen to the devil
For the moment you do he will begin talking
Softly at first, in a way that makes you forget the sound of your own voice
You see, this devil is no religious devil
He likes to go by his other names:
Common Sense, The Voice Of Reason
When the devil begins to whisper in your ear you must tell him no
You must tell him no as many times as you can
In as many different ways as you can
Tell him you’re beautiful
Tell him you have people who love you
Tell him you love yourself
Tell him these things so many times you start to believe them yourself
Keep fighting and never let the devil win
He’s playing a dirty game, but he’s playing it fair
This game won’t end until you close your eyes for good
When you shuffle off this mortal coil
That’s when he gets to check his boxes
Tally the results
I fought with the devil last night
It’s become our little nightly ritual
I stood in front of the mirror for a half hour
And refused to break eye contact
I knew that if I did
I might do something
And let the devil win
Keep fighting the devil
As long as there is air in your lungs
And fire in your blood
Never let him win
Never stop saying
No