Before I begin my poem
Before I begin my poem I’d just like to say I’m scared
I’m scared of where our country is going
And I’m scared of where I fit into it all
I’m scared of the black and white
Sideline tug of war we’re playing with Democracy
I’m scared of the black and white
Or rather the white and black
I’m scared of picking a side
Not of choosing the wrong one
But of seeing someone I love who did
I’m scared that we elected a reality TV star
To be the most powerful man in the country
I’m scared for my sister
That the most powerful man in the country
Makes her gender a joke
And her ambitions a quickly fading dream
Too distant to remember more than colors
Too laughable to remember more than sobs
I’m scared of a war started from tweets
Ending with a tiny orange thumb on a big red button
I’m scared of an enemy who hates me
For the choices of half of the population
Those who chose not to choose
Because they hate women more than injustice
I’m scared of talking politics with the wrong people
Because I don’t want them to hate me
I’m scared of the right people
Thinking I’m an idiot
I’m scared of coming out
To a world that’s asking for silence
Over vocalized pride
I’m scared of coming out to my dad
Who has less than my senior year to live
And his last thoughts of me being confusion
I’m scared of coming out to my dad
When my mom couldn’t understand
How someone could like both boys and girls
And still want a monogamous relationship
I’m scared of telling my mom what a threesome is
I’m scared of telling her that I’ve had one
And that it was fucking fun!
I’m scared of talking about my sexuality
When I barely have a grasp on my gender
How do you tell someone which way you swing
When you don’t what bat you’re holding?
How do I explain that some days I feel like a woman
And very rarely like a man
And mostly like a little boy
Who just pissed himself on his first date
Because he doesn’t know how to tell the girl across the table
That he’s loved her since the moment he first laid eyes on her
How do I even begin to think about who I am
When I’m still trying to parse out who you were?
When I’m kept awake at night thinking
Of the people you’re fucking
But more importantly
Those you’re having coffee with
Who will give you books to read
And tell you how lovely you are
In all the ways I could not
I’m scared I’m distracting myself with you
To keep my mind off the ticking clock
Of my father’s cancer
I’m scared of being the one to stand in front of everyone
And tell them all about what a great man he was
I’m scared that for the first time in my life
I will have run out of things to say
I’m scared you’ve all grown tired of my poem
I’m scared the beginning was too gimmicky
I’m scared that it was too repetitive
And that I don’t rhyme enough
I’m scared that when I do
You’re gunna hate that one too
So without further ado
The poem:
This poem is titled
For the Audience:
Thank you,
For making me feel safe